This week has been very challenging, to say the least. I think that's partly why I haven't blogged very much. I really do think of this blog as sort of a living scrapbook where I record what's going on in our lives and my feelings about things, so I try to make it as real as possible. Which, let's face it, includes some negative things. But, there's a very fine line between being accurate and being depressing, and I think I'm to the point where everything that's going on is just depressing.
You all know from my last post that I miss my mom. Sunday was the 4-year anniversary of her passing. We've had a lot of instances of death here at work this week (it sort of comes and goes, it seems), and two good friends from work are dealing with the illness and impending loss of close loved ones. When it rains, it pours, I guess.
So, rather than dwell on all of that sadness as I have been all week, I'm going to try to focus on the blessings in life and things I've learned since dealing with my mom's death 4 years ago as a 24-year old (barely 24 at that).
Tell people you love them! I say that all the time, because it's so important to me. You truly never know when the last time is that you'll get the opportunity to say, "I love you." So do it now. Trust me, I know how easy it is to think "Oh, that'll never happen to me. Everyone I know is young/healthy/knows I love them." I thought that way too for a long time. Get over those thoughts - take the opportunity NOW.
Talk about your wishes for the future, both in times of health and in times of illness. Talk about your dreams and your goals with your loved ones...things you want to do, things you want to see, to say, things you love. Also talk about what you want for your care should something happen...it's extremely important to let others know what you want both in life and in death.
Do something about it! Don't wait til tomorrow to make something happen that you want. I'm the first person to say (even now) that I don't have time...I have too many commitments...everyone else's needs should come first...I can't get away from work. Bull. Even I know it's crap. Make time to enjoy life now.
Remember. One of the things I'm most looking forward to with kids is telling them about their grandma and about their great grandpa (my grandpa), and having Mike tell them about their great grandpa (his grandpa). We both have such great admiration for our grandparents and my mom and wish our kids could have known them. But, God had other plans for them, so we'll tell their story instead. It wouldn't do anyone any good to push that memory aside and not talk about them just because it hurts.
I don't have all the answers. It would be nice if I did, but that won't happen. I just know how I've learned to deal with things because I've been forced to.
I got a text from my brother the other day. He's not the most emotional guy in the world, and doesn't remember dates or events. He's a typical 25 year old guy :) Anyway, the text he sent me said, "Hard to believe it's been 4 years, huh?" 8 words. And he completely summed up what I was feeling. It's good to know I'm not alone in this.